your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
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