Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
Randomize
