So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
Randomize
