Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
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