like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
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