please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
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