Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
Randomize
