Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
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