i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
I currently don't understand fingers.
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