addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Randomize
