she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
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