Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
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