btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
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