Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
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