how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
Did you pee in the oven last night??
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
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