Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Randomize
