Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
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