I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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