At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
