My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
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