She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
