reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
Randomize
