Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
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