The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
