K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize
