i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
Randomize
