Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
Randomize
