so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
