We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
I skipped work to stalk him.
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
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