Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Randomize
