my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
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I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
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Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
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