that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Randomize
