im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
Drake has all the answers
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
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