You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
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