i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
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