no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
Nobody cheats on THIS.
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
