What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
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