Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
Randomize
