Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
Randomize
