see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
Randomize
