I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
