I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Randomize
