All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
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