Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
Randomize
