I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
Randomize
