I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
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