i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
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