So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
Randomize
