Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
Randomize
