Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
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ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
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we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
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