I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
