just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
