I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Randomize
