Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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