next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Randomize
