At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
