Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
Randomize
