I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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