there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
