i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
Your penis caused this!
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
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