I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Randomize
