Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
Randomize
