Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
Randomize
