He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
Randomize
