His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
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