I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
A bitchslap is in order.
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
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