every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize
