There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
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