I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
Randomize
