My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
Randomize
