***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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