Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
Randomize
