there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
Randomize
